Harm
by trunks111
Summary: ObitoKakashi. Yaoi. Shonen-ai. Obito is flamingly gay and everyone knows. Rin hates him and makes tons of homophobic comments. She's dating Kakashi, one of Obito's best friends. Obito harbors feelings for his best friend, he may or may not even know about it too. Obito wants to have a good time, so what if he cuts to make himself see things clear? Where's the harm?
1. Fun

He didn't have his goggles on for this part. He stared at it, the metal glinting in the pale light of the bathroom. Lightly, he ran his thumb over the edge of it. Blood immediately appeared, flowing down ward. The blood was a slightly dark red. It's metallic scent filled the air and he smiled. He turned his attention to his pale, bared arm. There were raised faint, paler lines all along his forearm. He smiled as he gazed at his arm, examining it, contemplating where to cut this time. Finally, he made his decision. In the middle of his forearm, right between two identical cuts, he slashed the blade across his arm. It was a shallow cut, the blood leaking from the cut. He smiled as he watched it run down his arm.  
The world seemed brighter, sharper. His mind was clearer. Kakashi would be waiting. Lateness was his trademark, but he couldn't be too late. He turned the water on ice cold, sticking his arm under, gently wiping the blood off before taking a small bottle of New Skin from the counter and lightly spreading the liquid across his newest cut. He hissed softly as the liquid began to dry itself to his skin.  
He gently pulled his fishnet sleeve back down, it extended all the way to the first knuckle of his fingers. Atop his fishnet shirt, he wore a white shirt that proudly proclaimed him as a gamer. His skinny jeans were black and hung off his ass, exposing his bright orange boxers, not that he minded. He pulled his goggles down over his eyes, giving everything an orange tint. Cleaning his blade with alcohol and water, he slid it into his pocket before exiting the bathroom.

He pushed his ear buds into his ears as he trotted down the stairs to the door which lead to outside and ultimately, Kakashi, Rin, and Iruka. His friends. Well…, except for Rin. Forever by The Birthday Massacre began to play as he reached the door. He tugged it open, his goofy grin in place. He felt amazing…, which is usually what happened after he cut.  
There he was, Kakashi, Rin at his side. She faded into the background, as usual, rarely in the forefront unless she was dishing serious insults to him. She never tired of bitching about how he was a flaming gay guy. It made Iruka uncomfortable when she went on her rants about him, but he generally wouldn't say anything and Kakashi would just look at her with this look of…, something akin to contempt.

Kakashi…, he looked sexy without even trying. His silver hair…, messily spiked to defy gravity, his long limbs covered by a long sleeved black fitting shirt, equally black jeans, black fingerless gloves, and of course, his black mask obscuring half of his face.  
Sexiness personified.  
Why the fuck he was with some dumb cunt like Rin, Obito could never understand. They were all going to the arcade for the day. It was pretty big, tons of games, some they could even all four play at once. Not that Rin usually played. More or less she complained about the games the guys wanted to play, generally leaving just Iruka and Obito to play. Sometimes though, Kakashi would ditch her and join them, especially if it was House of the Dead 3.

About five hours later, they went to the pizza place beside it. They ordered two pizzas, one with just cheese and another with pepperoni. The one thing they agreed upon was cheese pizza. Obito and Rin ate that while the other two ate the pepperoni. Rin glared at him to the whole time, but it was normal. He even grinned at her when he had just taken a particularly sauce-filled bite. She rolled her eyes in disgust.  
With lunch over, they returned to the arcade for a few more hours, spending a good two hours on House of the Dead 3. Kakashi and Obito played many levels before Rin complained so much that they left.  
He didn't mind much, he knew it was only a matter of time. Even though it was beginning to get dark out, Kakashi suggested they go to the park. It was deserted when they arrived.  
Glancing around with a grin, Obito jogged over to the monkey bars, jumping up and grabbing the first one. Everyone but Rin was impressed as he made it across and back. He dropped back to the ground, grinning and bowing. Rin just rolled her eyes and walked off to the swings. Kakashi turned to watch her and he stuck his tongue out at her, the only one noticing was Iruka.

"Why do you hang out with us if you and Rin can't stand each other?" he asked quietly.

"I have my reasons," Obito shrugged, looking away, his eyes flicking to Kakashi.

Iruka stared at him a while longer before shrugging and going to join Rin on the swings. Obito's eyes were drawn to Kakashi, as usual. To his surprise though, he caught the silver-haired male gazing at him. They held eye contact for a few seconds before Kakashi looked away, his expression as unreadable as always.  
Fuck, Kakashi was a fucking bastard. Obito half groaned, half hissed in frustration. Fuck it. Fuck Rin. He ran up to the swings, the last one on Rin's opposite side as she'd taken the middle one and there were only three. He jumped up on to the swing, his feet landing squarely in the middle of the seat, his hands grasping the cold chain as he swung himself forward. A grin upon his face as he went higher than the other two, the look of annoyance upon Rin's face priceless. He really did love to piss her off. And that was when an idea came to him.  
He pushed himself out of the swing, pushing off with his feet as with his arms. He flew through the air, it was exhilarating, until he saw how quickly the ground was coming. He was going to land on his face if he didn't change his direction soon. He curled himself into a ball, leaning forward so he would roll. It worked and he still had enough momentum to carry him to his destination, which happened to be right in front of Kakashi. With a grin, a surprised look on Kakashi's face, evident only by his raised eyebrows and the slight parting of his lips, Obito leaned up close until their faces were mere centimeters apart. Kakashi didn't move, and neither did he, for a moment. Letting it sink in, how close he was to Rin's boyfriend. He was enjoying the proximity to the object of his affections, but he wasn't done yet. Lightly, he poked Kakashi's nose.

"Tag! You're it!" he laughed and tore off in the direction of the basketball courts at the other end of the playground.

Kakashi stood there for a moment, dumbstruck before he grinned and shook his head. He ran over to Iruka who was still swinging, oblivious, as usual.  
Lightly, Kakashi poked him in the upper arm.  
"You're it."

And with that, he jogged after Obito who was still laughing and occasionally glancing back. The look on Rin's face was fucking awesome. He wish he had thought to take a picture. She looked royally pissed. She was red and everything. Iruka looked like he was going to tag her but thought better of it, instead leaving her there on the swings and running after the other two.


	2. Boyfriend

They continued to run around, playing tag for an hour. The three males returned to the swings to a pouting Rin. Kakashi ignored her for a while before she got annoyed enough to stalk to walk off. He bade farewell to the guys and walked after her. Obito stared after them, his grin starting to slip some. He and Iruka stood and watched their two friends, Kakashi was saying something as Rin went from annoyed to angry then the two embraced and Obito swore she glared at him.  
Sighing softly, he looked away from them.

"We should probably be heading home. School in the morning," Iruka said with a worried glance at him.

"Yeah...," Obito replied softly, his gaze upon the ground now, his feet slowly propelling him forward.

Iruka walked beside him in silence, the four lived relatively close. The other two were much farther up the sidewalk, far enough away that they couldn't hear each other's conversations.

"Obito..., I..., I uh wanted to tell you something." Iruka began, glancing over at his friend.

Obito motioned for him to continue, still staring at the ground.

"Uh... I-I'm gay."

Obito stopped and looked at the brunette beside him.  
"What?"

Iruka looked away before gazing into Obito's goggle covered eyes.  
"I'm gay... And..., I was wondering if you'd like to go out with me."

Obito looked at him, really looked at him then. His tanned skin, the scar across his nose, his dark brown hair pulled back into a pony tail and his bangs hanging over his forehead. He was dressed in dark blue slightly baggy jeans and an over-sized plain black shirt. He wasn't bad to look at really, he was a pretty good guy, just rather shy.  
There was no real reason for him to say no..., aside from his being in love with Kakashi. Kakashi seemed to be straight anyway..., so going out with Iruka would be the smart thing to do. Maybe his feelings for Kakashi would even go away.

So at last, with a shrug he replied, "Sure Iruka."

Iruka grinned, a soft sigh escaping his lips.

Obito grinned back at him and they continued to walk in a companionable silence.

The next day at school, Iruka met him by his first class, an awkward grin and blush on his face. Obito smiled at him in turn, depositing his bag in the classroom and going back out to meet the other boy. Iruka's blush had mostly faded as they began to walk aimlessly up and down the halls of the school. There were countless couples and friends doing the same thing. At last though, the warning bell rang and they went to their classes.

It was different, going out with Iruka. They met up at lunch, as usual, with Kakashi and Rin. The difference there was Iruka sat beside him, rather than across from him. After school, they walked together, Iruka even offered to do their homework together. Which Obito accepted, having someone to talk to while doing his work was always preferable. And Iruka was easy to talk to.

It turned out, despite them being friends for years, they didn't really know much about the other. It turned out, the brunette wanted to be a teacher, where as Obito wanted to make something of himself, not that he knew what just yet. Iruka was into alternative rock, like 10 years and Mudvayne. Obito told him he liked all kinds of music, mostly what they called alternative, but his tastes ranged from Adam Lambert to Five Finger Death Punch. Iruka laughed when he told him that.  
After their homework, they decided to stay at Obito's and play some games. They stuck with a classic, Timesplitters: Future Perfect for the Ps2. Three hours had passed without their realizing it. When Obito checked the time he was shocked, and upon telling Iruka, the other boy said he had to go. Obito grinned at him and walked him to the door.  
Yet again, Iruka surprised him, turning and placing a feather-light kiss upon his pale cheek before hurrying out the door. Obito stood there, staring at the door for a full five minutes. His hand was on his cheek, the spot Iruka had kissed. He face flamed. He wasn't sure how he felt about Iruka to be honest. He liked him as a friend, sure. He was cute, sweet. But..., did Obito really like him?

His thoughts were muddled, unclear. He knew what he had to do.  
The walk to his room seemed like the longest walk ever. Going into the bathroom, he gently pushed up his fish net sleeve. He reached into his pocket, removing his blade. It sprang out with the light push of a button.

He gazed at his arm, searching for the perfect spot. He found it, near the bend in his arm, between two widely spaced cuts. He relaxed his arm, holding it aloft. He slashed the blade across in a straight, horizontal line. The blood slowly welled up and out and finally down his arm where it slowly dripped into the smiled slowly, everything becoming crystal clear.

He allowed the blood to continue to drip as he thought.  
Iruka was nice, maybe, given time he could grow to perhaps love him. Kakashi would always be his first choice though. Iruka would suffice though. Perhaps it would even ease his loneliness. Maybe..., Iruka could even help him to quit needing the blade. Maybe..., Iruka could be everything he wanted Kakashi to be. He was already part-way there. They were dating. And Iruka was really nice and cute and sweet...

He was getting foggy again.  
Quickly, he made another cut, right below the previous. He exhaled slowly.  
Iruka was his for now. Perhaps they would last. Perhaps not. Time would tell. For now, he had to clean up and go to sleep.


	3. Feel

A few months have passed since Obito and Iruka began dating. Rin eventually noticed and made fun of the two of them every chance she got. Kakashi largely said nothing, but occasionally, Obito would catch the silver-haired boy staring at him. He thought he even saw..., confusion in his eyes. Obito brushed it off as his imagination. What did Kakashi have to be confused about? He was straight, he had Rin. Obito was gay, he had Iruka. If he weren't so determined to believe otherwise, the pale skinned boy would ask him about it. Instead though, he pretended he didn't notice, trying to be happy with Iruka. For the most part, he even was..., until he returned to his house alone.  
Then reality came back on him. He wanted Kakashi. He wanted him so badly.

Obito had taken to carving light marks upon his fingers. Sometimes, it was just random lines, other times it was some sort of intricate design that wasn't visible until they healed over the next few days. It calmed him..., when he thought, he would find himself absently running his knife among his fingers. Sometimes..., he thought about carving into his neck. He would have to be extremely careful if he did that though... Wouldn't want to knick the artery...  
Right?

Obito smiled then, a strange smile, not happy nor sad, just... bemused.  
His eyes flicked up, looking around the classroom. No one had noticed his brief lapse in focus. He returned his attention to the paper before him. Physics. Easy. Spacing out in that class was normal..., no one of real interest shared the class with him so he had no one to talk to. He did his work quietly and efficiently. His knife was in his pocket, suddenly heavy against his leg. His eyes flicked to his pocket. His other hand was close enough to touch the blade through the fabric. His fingers itched to touch it. To feel it's reality. But he restrained himself, focusing upon the paper. He was only halfway finished with the day's assignment.

Once he finished his paper and turned it in, he returned to his seat. Twenty minutes until he would walk to lunch with Iruka. It really wasn't fair..., what he was doing to Iruka... He didn't want him. He was..., just a friend. That's all he would ever be..., right?  
The more he thought about it, the more sure he became. He would have to do something, to prove to himself that Iruka could mean something to him. It was simple... Really, simple.

Iruka had already sat down at the lunch table and Obito only had a carton of milk. He tossed it to his normal seat beside his boyfriend, stopped behind him. He bent at the waist, his arms sliding around Iruka's neck, his mouth centimeter's from the tanned boy's ear.  
"My house, this saturday night, be there by say eight?"

Iruka's face flamed and he sat there, spluttering.

Obito smiled, nuzzeling his ear. The other boy turned an even darker shade as Rin made a disgusted noise as she happened to look over. Obito just smiled and finally took his seat.  
"I'll take that as a yes."

Saturday finally came. Throughout the last few days, Obito refrained from any new cuts or carvings.  
Iruka was on time, as usual. Obito greeted him, his goggles over his eyes, his fishnet shirt the only thing covering his chest and his black skinny jeans hanging off his ass. Iruka blushed once more, gazing at Obito's toned upper body.

The black haired boy smiled and closed the door with his foot before pressing himself into Iruka and pressing their lips together hard. Iruka returned the pressure but softly, Obito's urgency not rubbing off. Even as The taller pressed the tanned boy back up against the cold metal door, Iruka was content to gently return the kiss.  
Growing just slightly frustrated, Obito withdrew, gently taking Iruka's hand in his own and leading him to his room.

Iruka just grinned, completley oblivious. Obito removed his goggles, placing them on his nightstand before walking back over to his boyfriend. He kissed him again, gently this time, but he felt nothing, not even when the brunette returned the kiss, his arms sliding around Obito's slim waist.  
'Finally,' he thought, his own arms encircling Iruka's waist, his hands sliding under the baggy t-shirt, slowly sliding up his back.

Soon, Obito led him to his bed, allowing Iruka to fall on top of him, keeping their lips pressed together. Somehow, he managed to get them both shirtless. Upon seeing his arms and fingers Iruka was shocked and worried.

"Obito..., what..., what have you done?" he asked, gazing upon his boyfriend with a look of something akin to horror.

"What I needed to..., some of it's even beautiful art work," Obito replied, flexing his arm, admiring the scars.

Iruka shook his head, "That's not healthy Obito."  
He began to pull away, and Obito reached for his wrist, catching it and looking up at him.

His eyes held a plea, and Iruka didn't go, kissing him again, harder than before. Still, Obito felt nothing for the boy on top of him. Nothing at all. As Iruka began to hesitantly begin to kiss down his chest, Obito realized something. Iruka wasn't Kakashi. He could never come close. Not physically, not emotionally. Iruka couldn't even be a stand-in for someone he could never have.

Iruka's mouth had found his nipples and he was gently sucking on one, his hand tweaking the other. His body arched into the touch but he wasn't even really getting excited. He couldn't even try to imagine it was Kakashi, they looked too different.  
Abruptly, Obito shoved Iruka off. He sat up, swinging his legs over the side of his bed, his head in his hands.

Iruka looked confused, staring at Obito.

"Go, Iruka, just go."

He started to say something but thought better of it and found his shirt, shrugging it on.

"It's over by the way...," Obito said softly, his eyes upon the floor.

He thought he heard a muffled cry as Iruka slammed the door as he left. It didn't matter though. None of it did. He wanted Kakashi. He wanted to feel something! Anything!

He took out his knife, the blade glinting in the faint light as he pressed the button. He didn't even bother to go to the bathroom. He just made a cut. A deep, angry, jagged cut. Ripping the skin apart, it was diagonal even, cutting across his equally spaced cuts. It bled. Oh how it bled. The dark red flowing out of his arm, down it. Finally on to the floor.

He smiled. He laughed, a hollow sound.  
His breath was ragged as he finally forced himself up, his arm still trickling blood.

He cleaned up the blood from the floor and his arm. Carefully, he used new skin to patch his skin back together. Once it dried, he laid upon his bed, he didn't sleep, he simply laid there, remembering, wanting.  
Kakashi..., the object of his affections. The one he wanted above all. The one he couldn't have.


	4. Thinking, Saying, Doing

The next day, dressed as he usually was, fish-net shirt, bright orange shirt, and black skinny jeans, his goggles down over his eyes, he walked slowly to each class, not smiling. He felt hollow inside. He wanted Kakashi..., so very much... He didn't have a chance though..., Kakashi was straight. You couldn't force someone to change their sexuality just because you wanted them to.  
Sighing softly, almost inaudibly, he stood and gathered his things. Next class.

"K-Kakashi, can I tell you something?" Iruka asked quietly, glancing over at his friend as they dug in their lockers.

"I can't control what you tell me," the other boy replied with a slight shrug of his shoulders.

Iruka knew that was as close to a yes as he was going to get so he continued, "Obito..., he... He cuts himself."

Kakashi looked at his friend then, the shock evident even upon his face.

"I-I saw the scars last night. He says he does it because it makes him think clearer. He... also broke up with me..."

Kakashi stared at him wordlessly before returning to his locker. Not commenting.  
Iruka hadn't expected any less really. Just then, Rin came up, a grin on her face as usual. She gave no indication of having heard their conversation so Iruka assumed the secret was safe between the two of them.

Sitting with them at lunch, was slightly awkward, not that Obito really felt any thing. He picked at his food, mostly keeping his eyes upon the table. Kakashi was so close, yet so far. It wasn't possible that he would return his feelings. Besides, Rin had liked him since their elementary days. So had he, of course, but no one knew that. They'd probably never know either.  
He took a sip of his milk, keeping his eyes down, feeling a gaze upon him but not caring enough to look up. Had he looked, he would have seen the look of concern Kakashi was giving him, it only lasted a few seconds but to Kakashi it lasted much longer, but then Rin was trying to get his attention and he returned to his emotionless stare.  
She never noticed that though. That he did not give a single shit about her. Not like it mattered anyway.

Obito finally got up, throwing away his tray and returning to his seat, dreading the return to classes. He absently plugged in his headphones, pushing the earbuds into his ears and turning it on and pressing play. Far From Home by Five Finger Death Punch began to play and he folded his arms, resting his forehead upon them.  
The object of his affection was so close to him. He honestly wanted to just tell him everything. It was a very tempting thought. He could do it. Just ask to speak to him after school, alone. Worst thing that would happen is he would lose his best friend. He looked up, Kakashi was staring at him again, his eyes reflecting a desire to say something although his mouth remained firmly closed, Rin was chattering away as usual and Iruka looked sad.

He would do it... Tomorrow. After school. He would tell Kakashi of his feelings. What more did he have to lose?

The next day, he dressed in his fish-net shirt, a black tight shirt, and bright orange skinny jeans.

He actually grinned, acting more like himself. It was freeing to finally be going to do something about his feelings for the silver-haired male. It was still hours away..., but it felt good to be doing something. He hadn't even cut last night.  
Ever since making his decision to do tell Kakashi, his mind had been crystal clear. Maybe..., despite whatever happened, he would be able to give it up completley.

Lunch finally came, and Rin, rather loudly said, "Cut yourself lately?"

Obito said nothing, no one but Iruka knew about that. He figured she was taunting some poor freshman. He sat at their usual spot. Rin leaned across the table, directly in front of him. He slowly met her eyes, her brown eyes were taunting, his black eyes emotionless.

"If you're talking to me..., No. I have not. Now please, get out of my personal space."

His reply was calm, polite. Not at all what she had been expecting. She slid back a few inches.  
"You're just a gay freak."

Her words were quiet, but they held an anger. Was it possible she knew of his feelings for her boyfriend? No..., she was just Rin. Stupid, pathetic, annoying, bitchy Rin.

"And you..., are just jealous," he allowed his voice to rise and carry.

Snickers echoed throughout the cafeteria as she glared at him, her face even turning slightly pink as she got up and tugged on Kakashi's arm. He sat there, gazing at Obito, his expression unreadable, but finally, he walked out after her.  
Obito grinned down at his food. Talking to Kakashi later..., it was going to be... interesting.

At last, the end of the day came.

"Kakashi, can I talk to you for a minute?" Obito asked, glacing over at him as they rummaged in their lockers.

The other boy nodded and closed his locker, telling Rin to go on. She glared at Obito but went.

Kakashi gazed at him imploringly.

"I just wanted to tell you that... Well, I like you Kakashi. As more than a friend. Hell, I think I love you. And I'm sorry if it makes you uncomfortable but..., I just couldn't stand not saying anything anymore," Obito said in a slight rush, looking away then back at Kakashi.

He smiled, "I thought as much. And Obito..., I do like you too. As more than a friend. I always did. When you came out, I waited for you to make a move."

Obito stared at him, his mouth hanging open.

"When you started to date Iruka, I figured you didn't like me. Even though, I would still catch you gazing at me."

Obito looked away, a blush heating his cheeks.

"Iruka also told me of your cutting."  
He said it calmly, matter-of-factly.

Obito nodded, glacing up at his friend. "I... Haven't in a few days... I don't think I need to anymore..."

"The truth is freeing, is it not?" the silver haired male smiled.

Obito nodded.

"I'm going to go break up with Rin. Once I am single..., if you would like to, I would like to have you as my boyfriend."

Obito blushed brighter, resisting the urge to hug the taller boy right then and there.  
"I would."

Kakashi smiled again, and walked away.  
Obito grinned his big goofy grin, walking in the direction Kakashi had gone. He finally had him..., Kakashi. It didn't seem real. He thought of cutting, to check the reality but he thought better of it. He kept walking, Rin was gone when he reached Kakashi.  
The taller turned to him and leaned down, his mask off for the brief instance in which they kissed. It was soft, sweet, and everything Obito dreamed of it being. It was there, that spark, that love. His arms found their way around Kakashi's waist, holding him closer.  
When they came apart, Obito grinned up at him and Kakashi just smiled, his mask back in place.


End file.
